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<title>Attack on Bridge by AnimeNerd666 (CrystalNavy)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27713284">Attack on Bridge</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/AnimeNerd666'>AnimeNerd666 (CrystalNavy)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Attack on Crack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abridged, Gen, Parody</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:34:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>240</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27713284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalNavy/pseuds/AnimeNerd666</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Just an abridged series in text form.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Attack on Crack [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Attack on Bridge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which the setting is explained and the main characters are introduced.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Narrator</b>: Today, all of the humans received a grim reminder that there is some fucked-up shit in the world and that they have to deal with it. Now let's introduce the cast. Eren and Levi have OCD, Mikasa and Zeke are bro-cons, Reiner has split personality disorder, Annie has autism, 90 % of Marley citizens are sadists, and Hange is Hange. The only normal people worth mentioning are Armin and Bertolt. Any questions?</p><p>*crickets chirping*</p><p><b>Narrator</b>: No? All right, Mike, roll the opening credits!</p><p><b>Mike</b>: Right!</p><p>*cue opening credits*</p><p><b>Bertolt</b>: Imma gonna fuck you up! Say bye-bye to your gate!</p><p><b>Eren</b>: Why am I afraid?</p><p><b>Random citizen #1</b>: Kid, we're all afraid.</p><p><b>Random citizen #2</b>: Run away! Run away en masse!</p><p><b>Soldier #1</b>: I am sure there is no reason to panic...</p><p><b>Soldier #2</b>: Oh, yes...Wait, what the hell is <i>that</i>?</p><p><b>Reiner</b>: I am so ripped...</p><p><b>Soldier #1</b>: Wait, you can't wander around here without a boarding pass!</p><p><b>Reiner</b>: I do what I want, old man. If you want to complain, do so via #wedon'tgiveadamn channel. And now I feel like running a marathon...</p><p><b>Soldier #2</b>: Wait, no! Stop, you'll...</p><p><b>Reiner</b>: This gate is an obstacle in my daily workout! Must destroy it! </p><p><b>Soldier #2</b>: ...destroy the gate.</p><p><b>Soldier #1</b>: Damn...</p><p><b>????</b>: *screeches*</p><p><b>Dina</b>: Imma eat Eren's mom for plot reasons.</p><p><b>Bertolt</b>: That must have been our secret buddy's mating call. It brought all the male titans here.</p><p><b>Reiner</b>: No duh.</p>
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